iDon't Hate You
by surfs up20
Summary: Freddie's journal/Sam's journal...first fan fic, SEDDIE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - I don't own the characters or the show, if I did, you would be seeing it on the show, not on here...**

* * *

**Freddie's diary**

January 3rd, 2009

_My first kiss…with Sam Puckett. After publicly humiliating me in front of the iCarly viewers about never kissing anyone, she came to me on the fire escape…and then we kissed. I never noticed how she was just as pretty as Carly. But it was just a kiss to get it over with. We repeated that several times…but after the kiss, I felt…different. Kissing her was like kissing fire. It's probably just my hormones, everyone knows I love Carly. Yeah, it must be the hormones._

September 26th, 2009

_I danced with Carly today. It wasn't what I had expected; more like a brother/sister dance… it felt nice…but not compared to…nvm_

December 5th, 2009

_Carly and Sam made up today… after almost falling off window cleaning platforms. My stomach dropped when she almost fell, I held her for 5 seconds when I was pulling her back in and I felt electricity pulse through the areas that made contact with her…just shock…just shock._

January 19th, 2010

_Carly and I kissed…why didn't I feel anything? It's probably just because it wasn't my first, and it wasn't long enough…yeah, that's it. I love Carly, I love Carly, I love Carly, I love S…stop._

January 20th, 2010

_I guess the kiss didn't mean a lot to Carly, since she came to me today and told me she didn't want it to ruin our **friendship**. It hurt, but I'd get over it, I always have._

January 21st, 2010

_I was sitting on the fire escape, listening to music and it all came rushing back, her words, her voice, her smile, our kiss. I stared out into the darkening sky and the Seattle traffic and wondered if she had been thinking about the kiss. Stop it Freddie…you don't like her, she doesn't like you…the end. But I keep replaying it… "I still hate you" I had said…**lie**…I'm sure she knew, and she had replied with a grin "hate you too". _

_**I don't hate you.**_

January 22nd, 2010

_Carly came and said she'd give me a chance, so why am I not happy...I am happy. I am happy._


	2. Chapter 2

**Sam's Journal**

January 29th, 2010

_It hurt. I knew it would happen eventually. He was too sweet and too nice for her not to notice. Of course he would risk his life for her, he loved her. That was when she noticed. She noticed the way he was so gentle, she noticed the way he had grown up and matured, she noticed the way he stared at her with his loving brown eyes, and she fell from him. I don't blame her. They're always together now, the perfect couple. He's never been happier, and neither has she. I put on a happy face for them; pretend it doesn't hurt, even though it does. It kills me, seeing him with her, but as soon as they both get those smiles, the ones you get when you've never been happier, I'm happy. I can't hate Carly; it doesn't work, no matter how hard I try. She's the girl who took **him**. But she's also the girl who is always there for me, a better friend than I deserve. And that's why he loves her._

February 3rd, 2010

_She left to go get Spencer, leaving Freddie and I alone in her house. "Don't kill each other" she had said with a laugh, before giving him a quick kiss and closing the door. "Don't count on it" I had replied. I was alone with him. I was elated, but I didn't show it. They didn't know. They didn't know I had fallen for him. They would never know. To Freddie I was the same sarcastic Sam who could make him laugh. Carly's return seemed too soon, and as we both heard the footsteps in the hall and the familiar jingle of keys I thought I saw a flicker of regret on his face, but then it was gone. Once she came in, his face lit up, she came and gave him a kiss. I knew I could never make him smile like that. He was happy. So I was happy._


	3. Chapter 3

**Sam's POV**

I'm stalling in front of Carly's door, about to pick the lock. I want to go in, but I don't want to see them together. Laughing at their own private jokes, because being a couple means being best friends. I was left out. I'm usually able to take it, think about how happy my two best friends are, but today I'm not ready for it. Not yet. Today, seeing him with her would bring me too much pain. I hear footsteps behind me, thinking its Spencer, I quickly ball up my fist, pretending I'm about to knock.

"Hey, you're Sam right, Carly's best friend?"

"Yeah…hey Griffin"

"Just came by to see Carly, haven't talked to her since…you know…"

I don't want to hurt him, but seeing her with Freddie would just hurt him more. He didn't need to go through what I do.

"Sorry Griffin, but I don't think that's such a great idea, she has a boyfriend now"

"Oh…" he replies awkwardly. "Can I still come in?"

"Yeah, but I've warned you, they're in there together…"

I use the bobby pin fished out of my pocket to pick the lock and the door opens.

I place the pin back into my pocket and walk in; I can hear Griffin behind me.

"Sup people…" I say, looking at Carly and Freddie on the couch, hands laced together, watching a romantic comedy that Carly must've picked.

Carly glances up. Her eyes trail to an area behind me and she lets out an almost inaudible gasp. I see her sit up and take her hand away from Freddie's. Freddie looks up and notices Griffin. He tenses. Carly stands up and smoothes her skirt.

"Hey Griffin…" she says weakly, she can't seem to keep her eyes off of him.

"Hey Carly…" he's gazing at her with equal intensity. He looks at Freddie, "Mind if I borrow her for a few minutes?"

"She's all yours"

I'm surprised. Once Carly and Griffin are out of the apartment I ask,

"So you really trust her, don't you?" It hurts to see how strong their relationship is.

"Yeah, it's Carly, she wouldn't…" but now he doesn't sounds so sure.

I join him on the couch, but I can't sit still. I shouldn't have let Griffin in. What if I ruined _him_? _His_ happiness, it would all be gone. He couldn't be happier with another girl; especially not with me. The voices in the hall have stopped,

"I gotta go…" I say.

I rush to the door hoping to interrupt something that hasn't happened yet. I don't want to see him in pain, feeling the same way I do as I stare blankly into the darkness at night. It's too late, as I wrench the door open Carly's out there arms wrapped around Griffin, kissing him, but Freddie doesn't see, he's too busy watching the movie. I wanted to shout, to make him _see_, but I couldn't, it was his happiness or mine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Carly's POV**

I can't believe it, _he's_ back. The first guy I was proud to call my boyfriend, they guy I broke up with over some stupid stuffed animals. Wow, he looks great. But then again, he always did. I feel embarrassed to be holding hands with Freddie. I feel him tense next to me, but I'm too busy staring at Griffin to care. I loosen my grip and stand up, smoothing my skirt, suddenly self conscious. I manage a weak "Hey", and I can feel his dark eyes staring at me with fire like intensity.

"Mind if I borrow her for a few minutes?" his gaze is directed towards Freddie.

"She's all yours"

I'm scared and elated at the same time. I follow Griffin out into the hallway, closing the door behind me.

"So, Freddie…" he says quietly.

I nod, unable to speak, afraid I'll say something to make him leave.

"He's a great guy…lucky to have a great girl like you" he's hurt, but he's masking it.

"Yeah, he is" I look up and my gaze is drawn towards his, he touches my arm, my skin burns where he makes contact. I've never felt that way with Freddie.

"Bye Carly, I'll see you around…"

I grab his arm, "Griffin, wait"

It happens fast. Our lips make contact and I feel like I'm on fire. I can't think. It feels right, being with him.

I hear a door close and I jump back.

"Sam, Sam, please, listen to me, I'm sorry"

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to him…" She's pointing at my front door, and I know she means Freddie.

"Did he see?"

"No, I closed the door before he could…You gonna tell him?"

I shrug. I still can't think, not after that kiss. My skin still burns from his contact.

"Hey Carly, I'm going to go, see you around…" Griffin gives me a crooked smile and leaves, his intoxicating scent still floating around me.

* * *

**Thanks for the reviews guys**


	5. Chapter 5

**Normal POV**

"Alright…" Sam broke the silence, "Well, maybe we should wait until _he_ leaves to talk about this, right?"

"Yeah…sure"

Carly opened the door, smiling.

"Always nice to catch up with an old friend…"

Freddie glanced up; the ending credits had begun to roll on the screen.

"Alright, well, I guess it's time for me to leave…" He stood up and gave Carly a hug and a kiss on the cheek while Carly stood looking uncomfortable.

"Later Sam…"

"Later Freddie…" She was too engrossed in her thoughts to call him a name.

The door clicked shut and Sam looked at Carly, "I guess I'm sleeping over then…"

"Yeah, sure, it's fine with me"

The girls sat on the couch in silence, both contemplating the situation at hand.

"Why'd you do it Carls?" Sam was the first to talk.

"I…I don't know, he was just there, and he looked _nice_, you know? I just couldn't help it, he just touched my arm and I felt more sparks than I ever have with Freddie. Griffin coming back just made me realize that I don't think Freddie and I are going to work out. We're better off as friends"

"So…you're just going to break up with him? He's been in love with you since the 6th grade, it'll crush him…"

"I know Sam, but I just can't sit there, holding his hand, when I know where I want to be…and it's not with him…it'll just hurt him more, and I love Freddie, I do, but I'm not _in_ love with Freddie…"

"Yeah…alright, I guess it's up to you…"

"Well, it's probably time we turn in for the night…you okay on the couch?"

"When am I not?"

"Alright, good night…and Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks…"

And that was why they're best friends.


	6. Chapter 6

**Freddie's diary**

March 3rd, 2010

_Carly broke up with me. She said we were better off as friends, that Sam had tried to convince her not to, but she just couldn't do it, it didn't feel right. Funny how I cared more that Sam wanted us to stay together than the fact that she had broken up with me. I didn't know what to do, what to say. Emotions; anger, pain and relief. I knew it was because of Griffin, she had been staring at him that night and I could feel the intensity, the passion, the spark…what I felt when I had kissed __**her**__ that fateful night on the fire escape. But she wanted Carly and I to be together. Of course she didn't like me. She was dark, unattainable, and beautiful. She hated me... I loved her. _

**Sam's journal **

March 3rd, 2010

_She did it; she had broken up with him. He didn't cry, not that I had expected him to. He sat quietly, taking in her words. "I hope we can stay friends" he had said, moving in to give her a hug. That's how he was; kind and forgiving. He still loved her; I knew he would never stop. But soon, he would move on to another girl, another girl that was worthy of his attention. One that didn't call him names, one that didn't abuse him, one that was everything I'm not. That is why we would never work; a dysfunctional relationship. He hated me... I loved him. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Freddie's POV**

The fire escape had become a normal hideout for me to get away from everything, to be alone with my thoughts. I was confused. Why, why was she always on my mind? I wish I could go back in time and erase the day of our first kiss, erase the day I fell in love with her. What was going on with me?

"Hey"

I turn. Sam. I pat the empty space next to me.

"So…where's Carly?"

"Uh…you want the truth?"

"Yeah, sure"

"On a date with Griffin…I'm sorry Freddie…I shouldn't have let him in…"

"Hey, it's alright, it's not your fault…Carly would've realized it sooner or later…" I say, glancing at her. "No nicknames today?"

She grins, "Na, I'm too lazy"

We laugh together.

"Hey Sam?" I say, "Thanks for being a great friend" _Friends._ That's all we'd ever be.

"No problem"

So we sit, shoulders touching, in a companionable silence, watching the sunset of the Seattle sky fade into darkness.

_Friends forever. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Freddie's POV**

It's the "End of School Formal" today. I'm standing in Carly's living room with Griffin; waiting for her to come downstairs, Sam would be here soon too. Carly and I are friends, the awkward stage never came, we transitioned from being a couple to being friends easily, and Griffin was a cool guy. We hear steps on the stairs and turn around. Wow, Carly looks great. She's wearing a knee length red dress with black pumps.

"Hey, you look great" Griffin walks over to Carly and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"You don't look so bad yourself…" Carly flirts.

I'm starting to feel a little out of place and then _she_ walks in. She saunters in casually, wearing a purple t-shirt underneath a bright multi-colored knee length strapless dress and her worn out chucks. She manages to look good in this crazy ensemble. Her hair's shorter now, she cut it down to a more manageable length, it's just at her shoulders, slightly wavy, and it looks great. Effortlessly cool.

"Somehow, it works" I comment.

She grins, "Well, you look…"

I prepare myself for an insult. It doesn't come.

"You clean up well Benson"

We laugh together. We've grown closer in the past few weeks, something like best friends. With Carly on dates with Griffin, we were left without her at times, allowing us to develop a stronger bond.

Sam and I both don't have dates, of course Carly does. Carly never remains dateless, with so many guys chasing her, she's never gone to a dance alone. I wonder why Sam doesn't get dates. She's pretty, hell, she's _beautiful_. Although her body isn't as curvy as Carly's, it has a nice healthy, athletic appeal to it. Why didn't anyone ask her to the dance? Why didn't _I _ask her to the dance? Wait, no, what am I thinking?

* * *

We're at the dance; a loud rap song is playing. Sam and I are sitting at a table while Carly and Griffin are dancing dangerously close. I look over at her; she's staring into space, blankly looking at the streamers hanging from the ceiling. I can't get over how good she looks. The other girls at the dance had opted for revealing dresses and high heels, and Sam had come in something different, something original. Something Sam. The music changes, it's a slow song.

"Hey Sam?" I hesitate, "Do you want to…dance?"

"Yeah, alright"

She stands up and we walk towards the swaying couples. We're dancing now; it feels nice.

"So…" Sam says, attempting to make small talk.

"So…" I reply.

There's a moment of silence before we both snort with laughter. Things are easier after that; there was nothing to be nervous about, just two best friends, sharing a dance, and nothing more… _nothing more_.

Just don't look her in the eyes for too long, and she'll never know.


End file.
